The sound of sheer silence

Change doesn't happen overnight, but that doesn't mean its not happening... I realise i've made a lot of mistakes in my life, I don't like the person I was, but ever so slowly thats changing, since February a lot of things have fallen into place, my life is good, im actually happy, im beginning to appreciate the things I have, im slowly getting my drive back, im slowly finding myself again, and im hoping this change will lead to further change, with me becoming a less selfish person, someone who puts other first...which as much as I hate to admit it, isn't something im good at, im a selfish person, I know this, and im working on it, but it cant happen overnight. I realise i've said things in the past, and i've meant them at the time, but just because you mean something, doesn't make it easy...however much you want something, it doesnt mean you'l be able to achieve it, its takes more than just desire, it takes strength, it takes character, it takes ho...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” By Marianne Williamson I’ve realised that it doesn’t matter if I have ups or downs, that is not what defines me. What matters is that I pick myself up after each fall: That in itself is liberating Your time is limited, so don...

Nobody said following God was easy, nobody said being a Christian was easy...but nobody said it would be this hard-seem like something you're familiar with? Its all well and good sitting back and praising God, when life is all roses, when your boyfriend sends you soppy messages, you chat for hours on the phone with your friends, your mum has a day off from nagging, you get a good mark in your exam and the sun is shining... but what happens when your friends turn out not to be what you thought, when you haven't got the motivation to do your work, when its dull and rainy outside, when your boyfriend isn't sure of how he feels and your parents are driving you mad...what then?? The bottom line is,'you won't get what you want, until you've learned to use what you've already got' This reasonates so truthfully to me, so strongly, why would God bless me with someone who loves me so much, if I am unable to love others as God desires, why would God grant me good m...

This is my most played at the minute, its called 'Each Day' and its by Bluetree, we sang it at prayer and praise for the first time the other day, with the guitars going and stuff, and it was gorgeous...I recognised it but couldn't recall how, luckily for me my brother pointed out that I had it on cd, hence i've played it repeatedly since then. Check it out on youtube, its a lovely song, the lyrics just humble me, I love the chorus Each Day: Each day, in the morning sun I see You And my heart cries out with praise, for You King of this heart Each time, in the sun or rain I feel You And my spirit cries with praise for You Lord of this life For You never leave me alone Even when storms cloud my way And I can't see breaking day You never leave me alone For You'll get the praise Your due For even the rocks cry out to You And when it's said and done You never leave me alone Each night, in the evening moon I see You Your beauty shines for all to see King of glory ...

The Livingstone...never before have I really thought or cared much about this metaphor, its never appealed to me, and its never affected me, until Sunday, at the beginning of our service we had a lady speak to us about The Eden Bus Project, about the work they do with 'lost sheep', we then had the sermon about the cornerstone, the livingstone, and it all fell into place, I saw it, like id never seen before, I felt it, like id never felt before.... In poorer countries where they cannot afford builders for their churches, they often employ someone to place the cornerstones, then they build the rest of the walls themselves-they get the solid truth marked out, the basic structure, done by someone who knows how, and the rest they do together, as a team. Our lives are a bit like that, Christ marks out our cornerstones, and we fill in the walls-letting ourselves be built into a spiritual house, we haven't got it all figured out, we haven't got all the answers-we haven't go...

The sun is shining, i've booked a riding lesson, im eating a bagel-om nom nom,my rabbit is happy, im seeing my friends later, its church tomorrow, and im going on holiday in 2 weeks...life is good, yes i've messed up, yes i've got things wrong, again, and again, but the people out there that know me, believe in me, love me, know that I am sorry, and I know this, today, I forgive myself, for as a good friend of mine raised the point...how can I expect others to forgive me, if I cannot do it myself, after much thought, I guess he was right, so thank you for that :) I realise that without my past, I would not have this 'present', and thats quite a big thing to get my head around...but im happy, not all day, not every day, but im happy, and that my dear friends is AWESOME. Check out this website, it makes me smile everytime I read it http://1000awesomethings.com/ Every cloud has a silver lining, every difficulty has opportunity, every experience has lessons, so im embra...

Im an impatient person, im rubbish at waiting, at hanging around, at not knowing... I guess I need to use this time wisely, but I struggle to shift the focus from whatever it is im waiting for...hindsight is a horrible thing, for it lets you see all the wrong you did, all the mistakes you made, but only once the point has past, once the damage has been done...I guess one has to try to fix things as best they can and then sit...and wait...and wait...and wait, to see if they succeeded in sorting things out, or if hindsight simply showed then so as to help prevent future mess ups If you're reading this, it probably applies to you, in some way, shape or form i've probsably hurt you, and I didn't mean too, but that doesn't really help currently, because now I sit and wait, impatiently, whilst kicking myself for doing what I did, for hurting you, I can only hope that you see how sorry I am, I can only hope you believe that I would do pretty much ANYTHING to fix things, to sor...

It's behind you...isn't it?? Is our past ever really, our past? All the stuff, all the debris thats behind us, all the things we did, the words we said, the actions we never took, the mistakes we made, the regrets we have...are they ever really in our past, do we ever really recieve forgiveness, from others, from ourselves, from God???? In answer to the first one, well im not so sure, I mean we make a mistake, or we don't do what we should, and in an ideal world, we realise we got it wrong, we say we're sorry, and we mean it, and that is that, forgiveness is given and we move on...but in reality, how many times have you stood accused of something, when you can't see what was so wrong about it, or how many apologies have you muttered, because you had to, because you were told to, because it was 'the thing to do', how many apologies have you said, with real meaning, with real feeling, with real sorry attached.... From being little kids, we told, over and over ...

1 Corinthians 13-The message: 'We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love' I love the Message bible....especially this bit :) For me it conjures up an image of a small child lost in the fog, visible only by her bright red wellies-she can be seen, but that doesn't tell her see which way to go, but then bursting through comes a radiant beam of sunshine, lighting things up, showing her the way-suddenly she can see, as clearly as we could see her wellies :) The Message is awesome!! Amen Go in peace, for the Lord is with you, always and forever

Who do I prefer,you may ask, the Bee Gee's, or Take That? Well I guess thats pretty irrelevant really, as thats not my point...regardless of who sang the lyrics, in all seriousness, I ask you, how deep is your love? How deep is your belief? How deep is your Faith? 'What matters is not the idea a man holds, but the depth at which he holds it' ~Ezra Pound This struck me....quite hard actually, its fairly easy, in todays society of 'freedom of speech and equality' to stand and shout aloud that one is christian, that one believes in Jesus, that one loves God...but when a person merely keeps hold of these thought with the minimal of grip with their fingers, they mean nothing, they are words, empty words with no actions to follow, yet when a person grasps hold of these thoughts, with eager outstretched arms, when a person pulls these thoughts towards them, keeps them tight against their heart, protects them...it is then that things will happen, it is then that one will g...

This past week has been a bit of a struggle for me, i've been feeling a bit low, for no particular reason...if id said this last year, I wouldn't have been surprised...but actually, the past few months have been a real turn around, things are really looking up, life is so much better, im so much better....so this week has been quite difficult to deal with, it seems to have appeared out of the blue, but what it has reminded me of is that throughout everything over the past 8ish years, throughout all my struggles, throughout all my anger, pain and doubt...God has been there, I couldn't see it at the time, of course not...but hindsight is a wonderful thing. This past week has made me look back, compare how I am to how I was, how I dealt with things then, and how I deal with things now...he has been here, by my side, catching be when i fall, and carrying me forwards when i thought it wasn't possible, so i guess...he was with me, when nothing else remained, when all hope was...

The power of words combined with a persons perception and opinion of there own self worth, or lack of, is a strong thing... There are a lot of things I dislike about myself, a lot of things I'd like to change, willpower to change, being one of them....but then just because i know these things, just because I see these faults, doesn't make it any easier when someone else sees them... I guess, we all strive to our image of perfection, our own image of self, our own sense of 'enough', but really, will we ever feel that we're enough, will we eve feel that we've made it, that we're ok...how much of ourselves do we have to change...or eradicate, to create the us that we want, who is actually no longer us, but someone different.Its often stated, that you can't change a person, yet we try anyway, is this because we're so aware of our inablity to change ourselves, so we try to mould others instead??? I've got to be myself, because everyone else is taken.....

No more faffing about, no more sitting around doing nothing, no more being a lazy unhealthy slob!! I am fed up of being me, im fed up with myself, im sick to death of saying things, thinking things, wanting changes and nothing happening, well not any more. Im going to become a person that I actually like, a person im happy and proud to be A good friend of mine recently asked me, if a leopard can really change its spot...and well as much as I wanted to be encouraging towards her, I wasn't actually sure, as I had been doubting the very same things myself....however, perhaps a leopard can change its spots, it just needs to try harder, and let other people help it more...not that im implying said friend isn't trying...more so a message to myself!! So people, I ask for your help, if and wherever possible, because im realising that I am merely human, and that I am far from perfect, but accepting this is no reason to not strive towards my best, the best, God's best so if I swear, ...

The Lord knows us through and through, every thought that forms, every word we speak, every action we take...he knows all that is seen and all that is unseen. I've had a glorious past few days and throughout it all i've been humbled, firstly by the spectactular Welsh scenery-The sheer immense beauty and 'bigness' made me feel insignificant, powerless and awed...to think that I am such a small part of this awesome world that God created, what an honour to be included amongst it all. Secondly, by Lichfield Cathedral, a place of such size and decadence, I felt so humbled in this place, yet at the same time I felt sad, because God isn't about gold gilding, fancy woodwork and intricate tiled flooring, he is so much more than that, instead of spending time, and money on these material things, people need to be out there, giving, sharing, loving, letting Gods love be shown by whats within them, not how many bouquets of flowers and marble statues their place of worship has....

Take a moment to sit a watch this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzgzim5m7oU Amen Go in peace, for the Lord is with you, always and forever